How has your understanding and capacity to practice kindness changed after studying Liao-Fan’s Four Lessons (English version)?

How has your understanding and capacity to practice kindness changed after studying Liao-Fan’s Four Lessons (English version)?

◎ Nancy Harris, Michigan Zhong Shu Temple

I used to think that being nice and being good were pretty much synonymous. However, I’ve grown to understand that there is a huge difference between the two.

Just because I consider myself to be nice or others say that I am doesn’t mean that I’m a good person. If I consider someone to be nice, based upon their behavior, it doesn’t mean that they’re good. When someone is polite and courteous in a social situation, they’re behaving in the way that they were taught. However, what’s considered to be appropriate behavior in one culture may be incredibly offensive in another. Being nice is an artificial societal expectation, whereas being good is a universally recognized trait.

When I’ve complained about people exploiting or taking advantage of me, people have told me, ‟Nancy, you’re just too nice.” I reflected upon that and my motivation behind it. I discovered that I do it to keep the peace, to be liked, approved of, and agreed with. I learned that I care way too much about the feelings and opinions of other. I worry about impacting my rapport and connection with the other person if I don’t do what they ask or expect.

Since studying Liao Fan’s Four Lessons, I have a better understanding of the difference between being nice and being good and the motivation behind it. I’d like to share examples of the difference between Nice and Good:

❖ Nice is meek. Good is humble. 

❖ Nice is hearing. Good is listening. 

❖ Nice is a decision. Good is a habit. 

❖ Nice is a hug. Good is an embrace. 

❖ Nice is likable. Good is respectable.  

❖ Nice is knowledge. Good is wisdom. 

❖ Nice is adorable. Good is admirable.

❖ Nice is a reputation. Good is a legacy. 

❖ Nice is a word. Good is staying true to it. 

❖ Nice is cooperation. Good is collaboration. 

❖ Nice is wanting to be loved. Good is loving.

❖ Nice is an act of kindness. Good is an act of valor. 

❖ Nice is something polite. Good is something real. 

❖ Nice comes from the human heart. Good stems from the soul. 

❖ Nice is a pat on the back. Good is an outstretched arm. 

❖ Nice is being your best no matter who’s watching. Good is being your best even when no one is.

❖ Nice is holding a door open and hoping for a ‟Thank you.” Good is holding a door open just because it’s closed. 

❖ Nice can come from anywhere. Good can only come from love. 

If I ever hope to change my fate and destiny, I have to understand that being nice is not good enough. 

The last part of the article is quoted from https://medium.com/personal-growth/the-difference-between-nice-and-good-20a8cc18e30

研讀英譯本《了凡四訓》後的認知與行善行為上的改變

◎ 美國密西根忠恕道院  南希‧哈里斯

我本來以為「友善」和「善良」幾乎是同義詞。然而，我逐漸明白兩者之間有很大的差異。

僅僅因為我認為自己很好或別人說我很好，並不表示我是一個好人。如果我根據某人的行為認為他很好，這並不意味著他是好人。當某人在社交場合表現得彬彬有禮時，他是在按照被教的方式去展現。然而，在一種文化中被認為是適當的行為，在另一種文化中可能是令人難以忍受的無禮。好（或友善）是一種人為表相的社會期望，而善良（或美德）則是一種普遍被認可的人格特質。

當我抱怨別人剝削或利用我時，朋友告訴我：「南希，妳就是對人太好了。」我反省了這一點及其背後的動機，我發現我那樣做是為了維持詳和、為了被喜歡、被認可及被接納。我發現我太在乎別人的感受和意見。我擔心如果我不照他們的要求或期望去做，就會影響我與他人之間的融洽關係和和諧。

自從研讀袁了凡先生的《了凡四訓》，我更加明白了友善和善良的區別，及其背後的動機。我想分享一些例子來說明「Nice」和「Good」之間的差異：

❖ Nice是溫順，而Good是謙虛。

❖ Nice是聽見，而Good是傾聽。

❖ Nice是一個決定，而Good是一種習慣。

❖ Nice是有形的擁抱，而Good是真誠的接納。

❖ Nice是討人喜歡，而Good是值得尊敬。

❖ Nice是知識，而Good是智慧。

❖ Nice是可愛，而Good是可敬。

❖ Nice是一時的名氣，而Good是可流傳的遺產（持久的影響力）。

❖ Nice是語言文字，而Good是真誠以對。

❖ Nice是配合，而Good是願意一起打拼與合作。

❖ Nice 是想要被愛，而 Good 是付出真愛。

❖ Nice是友善的行為，而Good是義無反顧的行為。

❖ Nice是禮貌的表現，而Good是自然真實。

❖ Nice是發自人心，而Good是源自於靈魂（天性、道心的真實作用）。

❖ Nice是拍拍背的稱讚，而Good是伸出手臂的真誠肯定。

❖ Nice是無論誰在看，你都能做到最好，而Good是即使他人做不到，亦能堅持著做最好的自己。

❖ Nice是替人開門，希望得到一句「謝謝」，而Good是因為門關著而把門打開（無所求的）。

❖ Nice 是隨便給予（隨處可得），而 Good 卻只出自於愛。

如果我希望改變自己的命運和人生，我必須明白僅只是友善是不夠的。

引用作品：https://medium.com/personal-growth/the-difference-between-nice-and-good-20a8cc18e30